A Nightmare I Want

The more I try to forget, the more I remember.

Like a nightmare that replays every time I close my eyes.

Nothing can cure me now,

Death can’t even end my sufferings.

I used to believe the lies I told myself,

That one day time would rewind.

I used to think that everything was all a dream,

That one day I’d wake up.

I used to take the pain of missing you like as though it were a joke,

But got tricked twice, like an idiot.

I’ve kept everything the way you left it,

That way you’d know how to find your way back.

I’ve held onto the impossible hope that you’d be back.

Even if it’s fighting with you,

Or arguing with you.

At least I was with you.

You’ve moved on with your life,

So why do I keep living in the past,

Too afraid to let you go?

In the end, I’ll be the only one crying again.

The more I try to forget, the more I remember.

Like a nightmare that replays every time I close my eyes.

But if that’s the only way I can see your face again,

Then I’ll keep my eyes closed forever. 

The Cost Of Seeing

I can see.

It’s not what most people would call an achievement.

But to me,

It’s better than riches or fame or anything else in this world.

I can finally see

The white clouds floating in blue sky,

That I’ve only heard of.

The bittersweet coffee brown,

That I’ve only tasted.

The soft pastel colored clothes on me,

That I’ve only felt.

I can finally see.

I can finally see.

So where did you go?

I can read the books that you liked.

I can watch the movies that you enjoyed.

But if I can’t see the face that my hands are most familiar with,

Then I might as well be blind again.

I promised that you’d be the first person I see.

We waited months and months for this gift.

The doctor always said,

“Only those who have passed can grant your wish.”

I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to recognize you,

But you told me not to worry.

When I went into surgery, I asked for you.

The doctor said,

“He’s coming, he’s coming, he’s coming.”

I woke up to find a note in my hand.

“Didn’t I tell you that I was handsome?

Look in the mirror and you’ll find me.”

I looked at my reflection and called for you.

The doctor pointed to my eyes and said,

“He’s here, he’s here, he’s here.”

Both our wishes have been granted now.

I can see and you can always be able to see me.

But had I known that the cost of seeing

Was to spend the rest of my life alone.

Then I would have asked for riches or fame or anything else in this world.

At least then,

I’d still be able to hear you whisper,

“I love you.”

Let's Never Meet Again

Somehow I found myself standing in front of your home again.

A place that was once open 24/7 for me.

Somehow I found myself sitting on the bench where we once sat.

Crying as though you were leaving again.

Somehow I found myself calling your phone again.

A number that was once always in service.

“You love me?”

The last thing I asked you.

“Forget it, let’s end this.”

The words you wanted to hear.

“Let’s never met again,”

My rash promise that you fulfilled.

“I’m sorry”

You whispered with your last breath.

“But I love you,”

Your kiss goodbye, drowned by my misunderstanding.

Every time I wake up in the morning,

I wonder about what you’re doing.

Every time I check the mail,

I hope for a letter from you.

Every time I cook,

I make a serving for you.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

I asked too late.

“I love you,”

The words that once made your heart beat faster.

“Come back to me.”

The promise you can never fulfill.

Silence.

You have no more breaths to spare.

Silence.

You couldn’t feel my kiss, my tears on your face.

A year after you left I found myself at your final resting place.

Telling you the words I never had time to say.

A year after you left I found myself standing a bridge we once walked on.

Thinking that I saw you in front of me.

A year after you left I found myself looking at my reflection in the sea beneath me.

Crying because I all I see is you.

I reach out for your hand,

And the icy waves engulf me.

I reach out for your hand,

And I feel you warm my entire body.

I reach out for your hand,

And I feel myself getting closer and closer to you.

I wake up in the same place you died,

Except I’m crying when I should be laughing.

I wake up in the same place you died,

Except I don’t see you.

I wake up in the same place you died,

Except the doctors in white saved me.

3.7 Seconds

When I close my eyes, tears fall
Thinking about the day we met.
Just a normal hello, nothing special,
Our goodbyes already destined to be said.
Such a short time together, too short to love.

It took,
3.7 seconds,
To introduce yourself.
3.7 seconds,
to say goodbye.
3.7 seconds,
To sincerely whisper,
I love you.

If only time could rewind,
I'd spend the rest of my life with you.
Stuck in the past, by your side.
Such a special story,
Of two sad lovers.

It took,

3.7 seconds,

To introduce yourself.

3.7 seconds,

to say goodbye.

3.7 seconds,

To sincerely whisper,

I love you.

I can't catch my breath,

All alone in this loveless world.

I want to,

Just go back to those few seconds,

When you came when I called.

But now it's to late.

It took,

3.7 seconds,

To introduce yourself.

3.7 seconds,

to say goodbye.

3.7 seconds,

To sincerely whisper,

I love you.

3.7 seconds,

If I could trade places with you I would.

3.7 seconds,

And you left this world.

Waiting for someone

Villanelle

While roaming on a busy beach,
I sit down on an empty bench,
Waiting for someone to notice my boring brown eyes living in a distant world.

Staring at the blank blue sky turning gray,
The gray sky turning black.
While roaming on a busy beach.

Staring at the people leaving.
Wishing that someone would laugh with me.
Waiting for someone to notice my boring brown eyes living in a distant world.

Feeling lonely,
As the moon travels across the black canvas.
While roaming on a busy beach.

Sitting close to the water,
Waiting for someone to notice my thick, black hair blowing with the wind.
Waiting for someone to notice my boring brown eyes living in a distant world.

Waiting for someone…
Waiting for anyone to love me.
While roaming on a busy beach,
Waiting for someone to notice my boring brown eyes living in a distant world.